Step Six speaks of being entirely ready to have God remove all my defects of character. Yet I find that I often cling to my defects because they give me a certain amount of pleasure.
What defects could possibly give me pleasure? Revenge, for one. I spend lots of time creating mental scenarios in which I punish those who have hurt me. I also get a great deal of enjoyment from thinking that I am never wrong; in other words, I cling to my pride. Yet these characteristics are defects that get in the way of living the kind of life I want to live and prevent me form treating myself and others with love and respect. There is abundant reason to let them go, but to do so, I have to become willing to lose the enjoyment they sometimes deliver.
My recovery will have a giant void as long as I am unwilling to give up my shortcomings. If I want healing, I must turn over my will, my life, and my character defects to God.
Are the small, temporary pleasures I get from my defects of character worth the price I am paying to keep them? If not, I may be entirely ready to let some of them got today.
"I know that help is waiting only for my acceptance, waiting for me to say, "Not my will but Thine be done."
The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage
Linda Gorham Yankton South Dakota